dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
