I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
