I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
