Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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