You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
