the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
party gras won. party gras always wins.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
