There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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