I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
