but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
