You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
