a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize