Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
