I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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