I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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