Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize