I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
