Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
