You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
