god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
