Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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