What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
