Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
