Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
