I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize
