You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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