I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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