bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
