It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
