I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
