I can text with my tongue
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
