The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
