You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
