Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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