the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
