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It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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