i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
