I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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