I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
