She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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