before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
