Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
