i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I need moral support for this bender
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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