I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
