shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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