your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
