The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
