Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
