Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
