Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
