Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
