You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
