If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
