shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize