Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize