She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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