We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
