I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
