when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
