he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I look better un-naked...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
