white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
