very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
