3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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