I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
