Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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