Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
