He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
