i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
