I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
