69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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