Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
