I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
