Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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