New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
