I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
