Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
