it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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