Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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