Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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